A Somali Xperience

This is not going to be good.

Someone sends me a pic after chatting with him. He is discreet and says he is black. He seems legit though and we swaps numbers. He claims to be a Brit in AMS for holidays, heading back after the weekend is over. We are chatting on Thursday.

On Friday I ice him cause I have other plans. He WhatsApp call me but I don’t pick up. He seems insistent. I don’t like that. He is pushy. He sends me an ass pic. Nothing impressive about that. Actually it is a bad pic. The worm’s eye view makes him look like a giraffe. I request for a face pic and it is quite decent. Okay I think I might give this a shot. He is a bottom and he wants “fun” like they call it in Europe.

Saturday comes and he calls me and I don’t answer. I feel bad for playing hard to get. I tell him in the evening I will be free. I give him the direction and he comes over.

He arrives. A somali guy. He is okay-ish looking. He has brought beer and some hard liquor for himself. He comes in and we start chatting. I lay the rules down. No kissing, no rimming. He sucks me, I fuck him. He leaves. He spots on a British accent, the British accent of someone who has been living there for two years and tries hard to put it on. He over-employes the word “innit

In my head I am going, “there goes the oppression as seen in the difficult task to assimilate to an accent because you think it makes you superior in some ways, even though you are pretty much mangling it.”

This will make a good article. I tell myself.

“You have a nice ass,” he says. Thank you. Don’t touch it.

He sucks me but teeth gets in the way and I have to tell him to retract them. I will later reminder him a couple of times. He had this weird habit, rubbing his stubble on the tip of my head. I was like stop that behavior.

His accent bores me midway. It is forced. Accents. Just be you. The authentic you.

I am drinking FelsGold he has brought. We are back to chatting a lil. He wants to know which guys I have hooked up with in the past week. Age, race. I make things up as I go. I am not going to invest anything into this conversation.

He says he has only been topped once. I put on some porn and we are watching as he is sucking me. Knockout fucking a moaning guy. He is back to rubbing his stubble on my dick. Stop that behavior!

He keeps on commenting that my ass is beautiful not in an endearing, everything comes out pretty weird from his mouth. It is not sexy. He keeps on asking me if I like his dick which I don’t. I have seen better. I smile. He keeps on asking me if I bottom. I smile.

I put on a condom and I penetrate him. Slowly, I start fucking him and he can’t take it. He pushes me away. I remove the condom. First condom wasted.

By this time I don’t let him suck me anymore. He has this really not appealing way of sucking. He would spit on it more than he would suck to the point that I found it a bit disgusting.

He wants to smoke in my room. No ways.

We are sitting watching porn again and he is making small talk. At this time I would have wanted to tape shut his mouth. He asks questions which are pretty much irrelevant to the task at hand.

“You gonna fuck me hard eeh” Yeah if you can even take the head.

I have a second go at his ass and just like the first time it is a wasted condom. At this time I have had it, especially after he has called me the N-word, to him seemingly an endearing way.

In my head I am like “dude you want us to unpack and deconstruct the N-word as used by a non American Blacks during sex as an imitation of the hyper-masculine African American culture promulgated in porn movies as an endearing way of communication between a group of people that was once referred using that term negatively?”  No you didn’t open that lecture. No you din’t

But this is enough now.

At this point, I have reached the threshold and I tell him. Again he does the “African-American exploitation of the thug culture” when he says, “I have come all the way, I need that nut,” in a demanding manner with the hip-hop hand gestures.

I look at him and he gets it. He retracts his statement. He then begs for the nut. Fun that he used the word nut instead of cum which takes me back to the porn movies when you hear, “Give me that nut N*****.”

I am thinking how Diriye Osman would have been so much better right now.

At the end I cum on his chest. I hand him napkins and he cleans himself. He puts back layers and layers of his clothes and he leaves with his unfinished drink.


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