A Very Turkish & Moroccan Affair

I would try to deconstruct MY Turkish and Moroccan experience so far in NL. I don’t intend for this to be the template or a generalization of what Turks and Moroccans are in NL; this is simply my experience. So far. It could change or not.

So when you are reading this, read it with your humorous mind, laugh a bit and don’t take it or yourself too seriously. It might seem stereotypical but its intent is not to be. I am just making sense of my experience with Turks and Moroccans.

I will number the shit out of this.

  1. Highly closeted. Most of the Turks and Moroccans I have interacted with don’t have their face pics on their Grindr profiles. They might have a torso or have it blank. They will normally start the conversation since they don’t have any pics to start with.
  2. Photos. It is a wrestling match to get their photos. They want on reply a lot of times. And if they have something, it might be fuzzy. I have aways rationalized this as, “here is clear enough pic for you to get an idea of how I look like but not enough to blackmail me.” A lot of bottom the neck photos.
  3. Some have girlfriends. You might hear “wait until my girlfriend sleeps and I will sneak out and come to you.”
  4. Discreet++++++. Because of the secrecy and closeted-ness, they normally would over-emphasize that they are extremely discreet. I have noticed that they get excited when you tell them you are bisexual and/or discreet like them. It is a confirmation that they are with the right person; you are like them and they can trust you. This might be an example that one might have with them. Of course my part of the story is completely fabricated. 
    Them: Does she know?
    >Me: No man.
    Them: Me neither. She will kill me. Where is yours?
    >Me: She is visiting her parents in Tilburg so I am alone. 
    Them: Cool man. Fuck a lot of guys?
    >Me: No man. I am super discreet and only hook up when she is away. 
    Them: Cool man. I like a discreet guy. I don’t like effeminate guys.
    >Me: Me neither man. 
    Them: I like your dick man.
    >Me: Thanks man. Yours too. 
    Them: Do you smoke weed?
    >Me: Yeah man.
    Them: We can smoke together.
    >Me: When are you coming?
    Them: When my girlfriend is sleeping.

    There is something super-masculine in the way I tend to hold my conversations with Turks and Moroccans, a lot of man, dude, cool. sup, super. Sometimes, I feel almost straight.


  5. Reluctance to give your their numbers. Well because they might have a girlfriend they are afraid that they will be discovered especially if you text them randomly. A couple of them wanted to arrange the logistics of the meet-up through Grindr. Nothing wrong with that although for someone well-versed with the hookup landscape of NL, a phone number is confirmation that someone is not a “faker” – as they say it here – and they will actually show up. You might be waiting for a ghost otherwise.
  6. Private numbers. If they are okay with number swapping numbers, some will insist on you giving them your number and not the other way around. Some. They will call you using a private number that you can’t trace it back, if worse comes to worse.
  7. Calling you. In fact, I have noticed that it has only been Turks and Moroccans who have wanted to call me. They want to confirm that you are legit, that you are bisexual or discreet through your voice. They want to make sure you are not effeminate through your you intonation. They gotta be sure.
  8.  Rigid sex. Now let me explore this a tad more.
    • Most don’t kiss because of all the complications with being discreet, having girlfriends and the whole shebang of things. So if you get aroused by kissing a clean mouth then you might need to find another fluffing technique to get you aroused and ready.
    • Most just stand there. I have had experiences when it seemed I was doing the work, work, work, work, work; and they were statues of liberty. You might start touching them and they are just there, ice cold. The river doesn’t flow as expected; disjointed.
    • They are scared like deers caught in the headlights and some will outrightly tell you. There are two ways to take this. You can be, “oh come here you poor soul” and embrace them or something to get them to feel comfortable or you can reach a point where you go “I am not your mother, just get your fucking act together, it is sex, not death.” You will need to do a lot to get them in the mood, to prepare them. They need to loosen up from all the fear and rigidness. All the best!
    • They are not the best suckers. Again this rigidness takes away from the act. They neither devour you nor suck you mediocerly well. It just bleh! I guess the whole macho culture impede a smooth flowing river of sexual energy.
    • They’re not the best bottoms especially if you have some length and girth. Because they don’t explore their sexuality, all this rigidness make them more tense. I have also noticed that they have many inhibitions. No this no that. No kissing, no that style. No a little spank no a little deepthroat. Once this guy asked me not to lie on him when we were doing the jockey position. Like I would float in the air like an eagle. Add that to the list of things that you have to do to loosen them up. A smoke here, a drink there, music here.
  9. Because of all this, my satisfaction level with them has always been below the normal threshold.

Of course all this has a reason. Maybe further reading on the Islamic community in NL might shade light on the issue.

A Minority within a Minority: The Unique Position of Being Gay and Muslim in Amsterdam 

A Dutch anti-discrimination hotline has said it is OK for Muslims to threaten gay people

Of pride and shame: the Turkish gay community in the Netherlands

Persecution of Homosexuals (Netherlands)

Many Dutch Turks, Moroccans feel alienated from society: report


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