Here we go. This is from me, twisted around in my head and regurgitated through the tips of my fingers. It could be hilarious; it could be pathetic. I am gonna have fun with this, because as I am typing this, I am reliving every Dutch gays characteristics. A friend asked me, how can you classify the Dutch gays? I was like, do I have to?! He likes classifying shit, this friend. So here is to the exercise on Dutch gays stereotypes.
- Photos hoarders. These are those gay guys who will ask you to send them each and every representation of yourself in a photo. They are very specific. They want it erect, they want it flaccid, they want the sac only, they want the ass, they want your member alone or with the rest of your body, they want your face, a smiling pic and another one. They want to see a pic of your member into another guy’s hole. They want to see cum. Capture that! A guy sent me a pic of his turd and asked for mine. He was hot but sadly into scat. I puked. Wait, this one is funny, they want one without the beard.Them: Do you have a beard now?
You: Yes. Why?
Well: I prefer smooth.
You: But you get to have a beard yourself?
Them: I liked smooth guys.
You: There is a baby out there, I am sure you can get a hold of him.These tend to have a very short memory. Like goldfish. After seven days, they will forget that they have asked for your pics before. I wonder why all those pics of my member went. What if I become famous and they post them? Well, I deny it 🙂
- Video freaks. This is a much smaller group and they are into swapping of gay videos. They are turned on by the live action. They want to see your member bouncing up and down. They want you jerking off and they wanna see the money shot. If you are doing it with another guy even better. Film it! Someone asked me if I could take a video while jerking off. Actually, a couple asked. And another guy just sent me videos of him and his boyfriend doing it. I should blackmail him 🙂
- Endless Chat Whores. These don’t want to meet. They are into gay chat. Day in day out. Not even about deep stuff. No. Just “how are you’s?” “what did you do today?” etc. They can be in relationships or even single. They have enough time to text away but not to actually meet. At times, I wonder if this was how Dutch gays date. So get those fingertips working extranjero!
- Always Ready 4 Group Fun. Now, these want group action. The more the merrier. There are sex parties that you can get invited if you know someone in the group. Sometimes, if you happen to give a good game, then he will say, “so some friends and I meet for some fun together, wanna join?” “we are looking for a top like you” “we are looking for a black dude.”
- Turks & Moroccans. So, I put these in a group, because they tend to share certain similarities. I can attest that every time I have met one, it ended up being the somehow the same, miraculously. I hope they don’t pass notes to each other. They are scared, they are super discreet to the point of blending with the darkness. They have issues, like gazillions issues. So their touch is awkward, the chemistry is a coffee with too much water, the sex is distant and the whole thing is an satisfactory, especially if you want some passionate lovemaking, that can make you see the gods. And here is the fun thing. They will ask you if you smoke weed so you can smoke together before some action. They will also ask if you drink something, so you can drink together. They need a lot to loosen up. I ended up watching Moonlight with one of them. I hope the message was sent.
- Older Preying On The Young. They are ready to pay for you if you have a nice body. Black represents masculinity and a night of wild fun, uninhibited sex. They tend to look the same. They haven’t aged graceful and they are aware of it. They might lie to you with a fake pic at times. They are forceful. I chatted to one who said I should go to his place asap or else he will block me. I decided it was better to be blocked. They tend to hurt easily and you will hear them throw these dirty words. “You young people think are everything, you wait and see.”
- Body Worshippers. With these ones, if you have a nice body and especially six pack, then you are good to go. They don’t really care about your face. Someone told me on a hookup site that he doesn’t look at the faces of black dudes cause they are all the same. Yep! The body is what he is after. That chocolate dripping body.
- Fakers. “Too many fakers here” You will hear this when you are on hookup sites. The truth is, most Dutch guys and everyone who is in NL, has had an experience meeting someone who didn’t look like the pic they had sent. They normally end up looking older and chubby. Why people send fake pics? Well they say others use their pics and some say it is better to meet someone and explain yourself rather than not get the chance at all.
- Blockers for Life. Early on when I arrived, I started chatting with this cute guy. He had just woken up, about to go to work. I was having coffee. It was a pleasantly sexual conversation. He wished I could go over so we could snuggle. I was turned on. Then he blocked me. Haha! I fumed. But after it happened a couple of times, I l went like “Dutch gays are cold.” There are gays who are into blocking others. I am sure they have a premium account on Grindr for that. Unlike the people who block you immediately because they are not interested in you or your race, these ones will hold a convo with you, lead you on and bang! they cut your a** off.
- Cold Unhappy Feet. Now there are tons of these. Get prepared to meet them. You will chat with them for a week, two or even a month. Then you are both ready to finally meet. At least, that is what you think. The day of the meetup, they give an excuse and go cold Turkey on you. They stopped all communications. They are scared when the big day comes. I have always wondered what turns them on about chatting with a guy for a month and then cancelling at the last minute. Weirdos!